6 ways to stop self-abuse
Stoping abusing and harming ourselves is a new lifestyle we all should adopt.
There’s no magic wand to cure a long habitual pattern we have been so committed
to since we were small. Maybe it’s been 30 years since you practiced your self-loathing
thoughts in your head, so now to decondition it, it will take some effort and time.
But that’s okay because you have time.
And it’s better to start using your time differently now.
If you want to know more about how we abuse ourselves click here to read my last blog
post on self-abuse; find out the 6 ways you’re abusing yourself.
Ending self-abuse is the doorway to promoting kindness, love,
and happiness. Here are six helpful ways to change your destructive
way of treating yourself.
1. Decide its enough.
Make a conscious decision to stop beating yourself up. You have done enough of it,
now its time to take your habits into your own hands and change them. Once you
realized that it’s only you who can end your self-abuse then make that decision and
commit to the healing process.
2. Trace your abusive thoughts down.
What are your judgments you have for yourself? Write them all down; your opinion
of yourself, what you believe and think of yourself. Then when you’re aware of them
practice observing your mind- which thought, which belief is behind the self-loathing?
The blame? Start to notice them all. That will help you to detach yourself from your
thoughts and beliefs. Our thoughts are causing our feelings, and our feelings are causing
our actions. So the way we behave to ourselves is based on how we think of ourselves.
Make sure you track these thoughts down and learn to see them as thoughts only and
not part of who you are as a human being.
3. Practicing vulnerability.
Part of being vulnerable is allowing yourself to feel pain and negative emotions.
When we are abusive to ourselves, we are causing more harm and adding more pain
to the existing pain we already have. Instead of doing that, practice actually feeling your
pain. Don’t escape it, don’t avoid or buffer your way out of it. Where does it hurt?
How does it really feel to be disappointed at yourself? Connect with the felt sense
instead of with your old abusive habit. Get good at feeling discomfort and negative
emotions, the better you get at it, the less you’ll need to beat yourself up and escape to
destructive behavior. That will inquire you to be vulnerable; there’s much strength
behind it so commit to practice vulnerability.
4. Be Curious.
Instead of: “ I can’t believe I just did that again!??” Shift to: “I wonder what made me
do that again?” That will help you to open up and investigate your patterns rather than punishing yourself for having these patters. Start to see your behavior as a study case,
become the student of your own self, be like a curious child and ask why and what made
you think, feel and act the way you did.
5. Forgiving yourself.
I know that’s the hardest one. But start with the way you perceive yourself.
Understand that you’re not the bad guy, there’s no reason to blame yourself because
you’re human. Accept the fact that you’re not perfect, let the desire to be perfect go
(that will take some vulnerability practice) accept that you’ll make mistakes, its part of
the journey, it’s okay. Decide that you’re no longer see yourself as the villain and as the
victim and step into adulthood; which means taking full responsibility for your emotions
and the results in your life.
6. Change your manual.
What are your expectations for yourself? Write them all down.
Are they reasonable? Do you like having them? Do you expect the same of your best
friend? Of your child? Be aware of how you think you should be. Then decide who you
want to be, and what you want to expect of yourself. Allow yourself to be different and
to follow your own unique path. Its okay if others don’t like it, you need to like you, that
is more important.
My advice to you; take small turtle steps.
In this process anticipate many rounds of repetition, be patience.
Commit to being good to yourself. That is all you need.
It’s not only one decision you make, it’s each day, each moment a new decision you
decide to commit to.
If you have further questions or you need more guidance contact me here and I’ll get
right back to you.