Self-abuse. Find out the 6 ways you’re abusing yourself
We hear a lot of people say; “she or he abused me” but do you ever hear someone saying
this is how I abuse myself?
We may think that self-abuse is mainly a physical abuse but its so much more.
We all in some degree abuse and harm our own well-being.
So how do we do that?
Yes, Self-blame is abusive. When we blame ourselves for everything that we did to
others and to us personally, we see ourselves as the “bad guy” the villain. If we go
into blame, then there is always someone responsible. Then we want to go after that
bad and punish him, and so we punish ourselves. Instead of showing compassion and
kindness to ourselves we turn our backs against us. That is abusing our well-being!
Judging is not only a bad thing. This is how we move through life; we judge things
to evaluate to reconsider and make decisions. This is not the kind of judging I’m
talking about. I’m referring to judgy thoughts like I shouldn’t have done this, I’m soo
lame, im too slow, etc.
In times when we need our support the most, we toughen up, get stiff and hard on
ourselves with judgmental thoughts about what we did, how we are, and so on.
We judge ourselves all the time. And that’s okay. But if we use it as a way to put
ourselves down and as a punishment tool, then the relationship to ourselves can
get very abusive.
3. Beating ourselves up
We use our capacity for being judgmental against ourselves. We beat ourselves up
by repeating over and over the same negative, judgmental thought we have about
ourselves. Instead of accepting our human sides, that we make mistakes, that we
aren’t perfect we choose to believe that we should be flawless, immortal, perfect human
beings. We think punishing ourselves is a great way to teach ourselves a lesson and
grow from it. But the opposite is true. You never learn from violence, you learn from
compassion and tenderness. Putting yourself down isn’t serving you it’s a violent act
towards your own sweet soul.
We want to make it right, we want to belong, be accepted, and so we thrive to
perfectionism. We think that only if we were perfect that then well be loveable,
likable and appreciated. That stems from the deep belief that we think were flawed
the way we are and that there’s something wrong with us.
This leads to inner-competition with oneself. We set unreasonably high expectations
and push our limits too far. We then get burned-out, depressed and so much more.
Being on a constant path to prove ourselves worthy Is like you continually reminding
yourself you’re not good enough. That is extremely exhausting, toxic and abusive.
5. Self-sabotage and Self-loathing thoughts
We try, we make an effort, we work hard, we achieve, and then we find a way to
ruin and destroy everything we worked for. Whether it’s money, career, food, alcohol
relationships and our health.
Self-sabotage comes from negative beliefs we have about ourselves. Beliefs like:
I don’t deserve to be happy, to have this beautiful loving man, to be successful…
I can’t do this, it’s only a matter of time till they find out who I really am, I’m a fraud..
We use self-loathing thoughts to self-sabotage ourselves and our lives.
When a mother neglects her child, her behavior will be considered to be abusive.
The same is with oneself.
We treat our body’s with disrespect, we don’t give ourselves time to really feel what we
need or want, we avoid our own intuition, gut feelings, and emotions. We consider other
peoples opinion to matter more than ours, other human being matter more than us.
We don’t take ourselves seriously; we neglect our needs, our body’s, our health.
Poor self-care, and self neglection is abusive!
How did we get abusive?
We learned it from somewhere, we heard it as children and adopted the same
abusive beliefs, behavior from our surroundings.
The abusive thoughts and behavior became second nature, and so we have developed
a new habit till it became part of our identity.
We believe this habit is necessary and important. We think this will teach us and bring
us further. But abuse brings only more abuse. It doesn’t promote self-love and growth.
I hope you take time and ask yourself the following questions:
- How are you harming yourself? Emotionally and physically?
- How are you sabotaging your own well-being?
If its a habit you learned from your mother or your surroundings it’s also a habit
you can unlearn and decondition.
There is a way out!
Stop the self-abuse now.