This is not how you want to use your Anger
I want you to ask yourself few questions;
What do you believe about anger?
What have you learned about anger?
What did your mother/parents teach you about Anger?
Your relationship to your anger is determined by how you think and believe about it.
Many believe anger is dangerous inappropriate and vulgar.
On the other hand, many think Anger is useful and important as if its the only emotion
that can make things right.
What do you believe?
And how often are you angry? And who are you mad at?
As I help women to free themselves from their difficult mothers and build their
self-esteem, I noticed that there are two types of daughters. The one that is often angry
and resentful at her mother and the one that often feels sad and guilty about her mother.
I find both aren’t using Anger in a useful way.
Let’s take a close look at both of them.
The Angry daughter
If you find yourself often angry at your mother I want you to consider this;
1. You are actually angry at yourself and not at your mother.
Often we are Angry at ourselves for not setting boundaries, protecting our needs, and
taking care of what is important to us. Angry that we allowed our mother’s toxic
behavior to control our lives. Instead of owning that, many feel more comfortable
blaming and being Angry at their mothers.
It’s easier to be Angry at her rather than taking responsibility and admitting that we
didn’t do a great job at protecting ourselves. When you acknowledge that your anger is
yours you bring your power back to you.
2. You like being angry because it feels more powerful
But here’s the thing. Instead of releasing and processing your anger and then letting it
go, you hold on to it. You keep focusing on what’s wrong, and by that, you’re
perpetuating your Anger even more. One of the reasons you do that is also because you
feel more comfortable with anger. For some, It’s easier to feel anger than allow sadness.
It feels more powerful to be angry than hurt. So you might be avoiding your pain and
sadness if you’re always choosing to be angry.
What will happen if you’d allow yourself to be sad?
3. You’re using anger as a punishment tool.
You believe your mother deserves your Anger. You may think you are punishing her
by staying resentful and angry at her, but really you are punishing yourself.
Who feels your anger? You do.
Your mother might be having a wonderful time feeling amazing while you are
seething and angry at her. You’re not feeling amazing or having a fantastic time.
But she does.
Your mother can’t feel your emotions.
Only you feel your anger. You suffer, not your mother.
Own your anger, it’s yours, you created it, and that’s okay.
Allow yourself to feel it, understand it and don’t utilize it against you or others.
Feel it and then release it.
The daughter that avoids Anger
If you’re avoiding your anger and suppress it, you may want to ask yourself why
you do it? What are you afraid of? What will happen once you are angry?
Many daughters believe that they will lose control and be angry forever.
But what really happens is that by repressing their anger, they’re carrying their
anger forever with them, and one day they won’t be able to control it anymore.
Anger isn’t a bad thing.
It will get dangerous if you turn your anger inward. Then it can turn into physical
symptoms and develop depression and other illnesses.
Think about anger as a signal.
It’s here to let you know that something went wrong and that something
needs to be done.
You can use anger to create change. It’s actually a beautiful, vital life energy.
Don’t fear it. By feeling guilty about your Anger, you’re preventing yourself from
processing it and releasing it. Blaming yourself and putting yourself down isn’t going
to serve you at all.
We judge and beat ourselves all the time for how we feel. Stop doing that and start
releasing your emotions in a healthy useful way.
Express your anger with movement, voice, paint, running or other forms of exercise.
Find your way and let it out in a healthy way.
Then decide to let it go.
If Anger is used wisely, it can turn into a creative powerful energy that allows
beautiful change to happen.
So ask yourself;
What is anger in your life?
Why are you angry? And what needs to change?
How are you the reason for your anger?
What does your anger need from you?
P.S. Aren’t you tired of being resentful and bitter most of the time? Don’t you
wish to stop letting your mother cross your boundaries? And learn to protect
your needs better? If so then come to a free mini session, and I’ll help you
find a way to get unstuck and resolve your bitterness so you can feel more
empowered and build your self-esteem.
Click here to book your slot.