When your mom is annoying you

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Last week I experienced waves of discomfort, from annoyance to pressured to fear

and to relief.

It all started with my mom.

It’s not true, it actually started in my mind, but my mind likes to put the blame on her.

 

It all started when she texted me three times in a row, and after one hour she texted

again asking if everything is fine and that she’s worried because she didn’t hear back

from me. I immediately felt pressure in my chest, anger raising up and really annoyed

by her nagging behavior.

 

I was in the middle of a rested mind and a peaceful day -until she wrote.

I noticed my mind going into blame.

Thinking she did that to me…because of her I’m annoyed….

I saw how I was starting to complain and act like an emotional child.

I felt powerless…

 

I wanted to share with you the process I’m taking myself whenever I tend to fall

into emotional childhood and shift to emotional adulthood which means taking

responsibility for my anger, and my annoyance.

So when I noticed my negative emotions I asked myself;

  • Love what is really going on?
  • What is really upsetting me here?
  • What is behind the annoyance?

It’s important for me to talk to myself in a loving, compassionate way.

 

I discovered that I was annoyed because I had thoughts like: 

  • She’s not worried she just wants my attention now.
  • She’s not worried she just wants me to write her back right away.

I found that under the annoyance there was fear.

Fear of my boundaries not being kept

Fear that my freedom is in danger

Fear that I need to give her what she wants right away

Fear of being on her side rather on mine ( following my needs first and not hers)

I acknowledged that these beliefs were the cause of my fears, anger, and annoyance.

 

Before using the mindful coaching tools I would let my fears, my anger and

annoyance take over my whole day and even the entire next days.

But thankfully I’m able today to witness my mind in action and prevent so much

unnecessary suffering for myself.

 

I know today how to navigate my emotions, how long to allow a negative emotion

to just be, when anger and being upset is useful and when its time to move on.

That allows me to set boundaries with her and follow my needs.

 

So the next day she called.

I didn’t answer.

Later on, I wrote her this:

Hey mom 

Thank you for your messages. 

Sometimes I won’t answer you right after you text me. 

If you expect that, you’ll going to be disappointed and worry for no reason. 

Sending more messages won’t help to hear sooner from me. 

It just makes me want to close off my phone. 

So let’s make a deal. You wait five days till you write again saying you worry. Not before. 

If you worry that is on you. You take care of it. 

Besides that, I’m doing well. …

Hugs 

Aniko 

 

Here is a great practice to help you feel empowered and emotionally

balanced whenever you’re feeling negative emotion.

The process is like this:

  • Pause
  • Feel what is going inside of you, no blame, no judgment.
  • Ask: Why am I feeling this way? What am I really afraid of?
  • Recognize your beliefs
  • Then ask; What do I need? How can I provide that to myself or get help from someone else?
  • Repeat that many times as you can.

There is a lot of freedom in being the adult and taking responsibility for your emotions.

I was annoyed and angry and fearful because of my beliefs. Not because of my

mother’s actions. 

 

I saw my beliefs.

I saw them for what they were.

Lies.

After investigating my beliefs and asking if they’re true, I realized that they were not.

  • I can keep my boundaries
  • My freedom is not in danger 
  • I don’t have to give her what she wants
  • I can listen to my needs.

That is how I keep my power.

That is how I stay in charge of my emotional health and not my mother.

Practice being mindful with your thinking and Investigate your mind.

Much love

Aniko

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